- Layout of Personal Information Section and Career Goal.
- Good use of indentation for "Honours" and "Activities" sections.
- Correct mention of references
- It is good to have a statement of career goal, but it should indicate the benefits to
the employer. The phrase, "where I can rise to my full potential" sounds as if
the candidate is interested only in looking after himself.
- Punctuation in first line of "Education" section.
- Word "include" missing after "Courses taken"
carelessness, failure to proof-read.
- Extra-curricula activities: no good just listing the positions held. You must qualify
these by adding a statement of achievement using an "action" word, i.e. tell
people what you have actually done in these positions. (Activities too, should be listed
in reverse order).
- The "Sun Yee On" experience section will kill this resume. The experience is
highly relevant, but no personnel manager will take the time to read it it breaks
all the rules of formatting and conciseness. Avoid dense blocks of text like this.
- Many grammatical and spelling errors.
- The experiences sound too grand for a young applicant like this. Try not to over-inflate
the importance of jobs.
- Mentioning RISE is irrelevant: why would a bank be interested in this course?