- Layout of Personal Information Section and Career Goal.
- Good use of indentation for "Honours" and "Activities" sections.
- Correct mention of references
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- It is good to have a statement of career goal, but it should indicate the benefits to
the employer. The phrase, "where I can rise to my full potential" sounds as if
the candidate is interested only in looking after himself.
- Punctuation in first line of "Education" section.
- Word "include" missing after "Courses taken"… Thus indicating
carelessness, failure to proof-read.
- Extra-curricula activities: no good just listing the positions held. You must qualify
these by adding a statement of achievement using an "action" word, i.e. tell
people what you have actually done in these positions. (Activities too, should be listed
in reverse order).
- The "Sun Yee On" experience section will kill this resume. The experience is
highly relevant, but no personnel manager will take the time to read it – it breaks
all the rules of formatting and conciseness. Avoid dense blocks of text like this.
- Many grammatical and spelling errors.
- The experiences sound too grand for a young applicant like this. Try not to over-inflate
the importance of jobs.
- Mentioning RISE is irrelevant: why would a bank be interested in this course?
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