clarity and brevity


Which of these two descriptions of experience is more effective? List the differences that make one of the descriptions more effective than the other.

Description A

Description B

`I was Secretary of the Music Society from 1994 to `95. During this time I realized that the Society's reserve funds needed to be increased. Many new members were recruited and a number of successful concerts were held. In this way enough money was raised to cover all our general expenses up to 1997. I also re-arranged the committee so that all members knew what their duties were supposed to be.'

Secretary of Music Society 1994-'95: Increased Society's funds from $20,000 to $150,000. Directed recruitment drive, increasing membership from 102 to 345 in six months. Streamlined committee, establishing clear duties for each member.

 

Which description do you think is more effective?
Description A
Description B

List points that you feel make Description B different from Description A:

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