language and style

The following letter is grammatically correct but contains several errors of style. First, read the letter, paying particular attention to the sections in red type. Then, try to devise a few simple rules for ensuring that your cover letter is written in an appropriate style. Use this on-line task-sheet to compare your rules with ours.


Personnel Manager
Hong Kong Dragon Airlines Limited
22/F Devon House, Taikoo Place
979 King’s Road
Quarry Bay
Hong Kong

14/F Tai Yip Mansions
6 Leighton Road
Causeway Bay
Hong Kong

Tel: 2765-6785
Pager: 113076076

March 5, 1999

Dear Sir/madam,

Application for the post of Management Trainee

I am very interested in your Management Trainee Programme, the details of which you placed with the Hong Kong University Careers Education and Placement Centre. I am sure you will immediately recognise that my educational background in Management and Business Administration, my unique leadership skills, and track record of outstanding management in student affairs will make me a vital and essential member of your management team.

In addition to having taken subjects that are obviously relevant to your company’s work and operations, I can offer lots of skills that can be developed to meet your specific needs in the future. In particular, my successful use of Lotus 1-2-3 and dBase software in my research project demonstrates my brilliant analytical mind. My work as an arbitrator for three years at the Student Counselling Centre is proof of my interpersonal skills. Also, my advanced skill and proficiency in Bahasa Indonesia could really be of use in your new cargo service to Lombok.

I am attracted to your esteemed company by the fame of your Management Trainee Programme and by your recent amazing growth.  I am also tremendously impressed by your recent successful take-over bid for Macau Airways in the face of stiff competition from Cathay. I am also impressed by your acquisition of 17 new Airbus A – 300 aircraft and the addition of six new routes into China, which I believe will ensure a promising future for the company.

As far as salary is concerned, I expect a package in the region of $300,000 p.a. with the usual fringe benefits.

Trusting you will give my application kind consideration and hoping to hear favourably from you at your earliest convenience. Can I meet with you personally to discuss at greater length the contributions I could make to your team? Please contact me 2765 –6785 after 6p.m. or page me on 113076076 during the day.

Thanks a lot for your attention.

Yours sincerely,

Erica Sze

Enc. resume

see a corrected version of this letter

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